Monday, October 22, 2012

Closed for Plumbing Overhaul

Grace2Wheel is Away for Awhile

On Oct. 29th I am having two surgical procedures that will keep me from this blog for awhile. Since I haven't been posting this past month, maybe a little explaining is in order.
The surgery is easier to explain: it is a simple matter of nuts and bolts; bladders, intestines, and colons; oh my. The silence is muddier waters. I wish I could list in some sensible fashion why words have trickled through my fingers like the last gush of water through a garden hose. My brain, my days, the universe seems squashy and unformed. I seem to swing between bouts of nerve pain and fatigue mixed with little dashes of satisfaction and joy and doused with pervasive depression. Kind of like finding one last peanut in the bottom of the Cracker Jacks box and then watching it roll away between the stadium seats. I am trying so hard to find this life I have to be one worth living for.
This surgery is one of these mishmashes. At the end I will have tools to manage my malfunctioning bladder and colon. I will be able to go into water again for the first time in over two years. At the same time it is four hours of abdominal surgery, at least eight weeks of recovery and countless amounts of pain and hassle heaped upon what is already too much pain and hassle. I am choosing to believe that it will be worth it.
I am doing well the things I do well. Like getting organized. Like tying my fear and anxiety up with a pretty bow and hiding the ugliness in the back of the closet. Like hiring doctors who know what they are doing. Like using dark humor to blast through the darkest moments. Like leaning on my hubby who is always there as well as friends and family. A special thank you to my sis-in-law Jen who is coming from Vermont for ten days to lend a hand, what a blessing you are!
Well, dear blog readers. When I talk to you next I should be through this and have a tale to tell.
Until then-All the Best.