Sunday, October 10, 2010

Circus Acts aren't for the Faint of Heart

These past few days were rough and I don't see any let up. My new catheter is acting up-not draining as well as adding to rather severe pain in my abdomen and left back. I spent most of Friday at the urologist's office trying to find the cause. At the end of the day I was left with a generic diagnosis of MS bladder spasms pinching my catheter that causes urine to push into the tube between my bladder and kidney making it be irritated. No solutions. No treatments. Simply one more thing I have to live with.
And, I am not certain that I can take one more thing. The past three months have been layer upon layer of one more thing. Somehow, I have to live with this.
I am trying to hold on to what I can. My hubbie stays committed to this battle (I both salute his commitment and wonder about his sanity). 
This afternoon two friends stopped by with their adorable daughters and reminded me that living is a blessing. I think of my own son at 15 months and later at 6 years. It seems like yesterday. Raising him and these memories are another thing I treasure.
It seems that I am starring in a high-wire act crossing the Grand Canyon. On one side is the pull of pain and loss and sadness. On the other the bouyant support of friends, family, and the life I treasure. Somehow, I must make my way across this seemingly impossible high-wire feat.
So, thank you to the friends who stopped by today. You may not realize it but a few hours of your time gives me strength to carry on. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

1 comment:

Peace Be With You said...

Your struggles and your valiant efforts to retain your Self in the midst of it all have touched me deeply. No one deserves what you are going through. I wish someone could wave a magic wand for you; for all of us who suffer MS. In the meantime, just know I care.